Sunday, May 26, 2013

How to feel

Geneen Roth said (and I'm paraphrasing) that sometimes we think we know how we feel about something, but it's not how we actually feel. The "thinking" part gets in the way. We begin to judge and analyze and critique our feelings. This is a barrier to the feelings.

I didn't used to be like that, as far as I can tell. I was always extremely good at mindfulness activities. Now, I'm stoic. When I start to feel anything (mostly the sad, sometimes the angry, rarely the happy), I can actually feel the resistance. I clamp down on the feeling before it gets out of hand.

And now, I'm at a loss. I don't know how to feel the extreme sadness and grief that I can tell is welling up. I don't know how to get rid of the resistance. Interestingly, I'm now in a position where I probably have more resources for how to practice mindfulness and feeling acceptance, but I can't seem to do it for myself.

I might need some real help.