Saturday, September 18, 2010

Eating again...and figuring out stuff.

I'll start with the first one. I've been overeating (I won't classify it as a binge, because a doctor wouldn't. I'm not sneaking, I'm not eating fast, but I am eating too much and definitely eating when I'm not hungry). It's definitely emotional eating.

If I had to guess, I'd say that part of it is linked to the utter despair I feel about my job. Part of it is because I've recently been feeling crappy about my appearance. Why did that happen? I can't figure that out.

I also feel a lot of guilt about how my classes are going. I didn't set the year up well. In my defense, I was blindsided by how bad the job actually is; in reality, I was downright lied to about the state of the program. It took a few weeks to figure out what was going on. I still wish I'd been able to get things started sooner.

Saturday, September 4, 2010

Rethinking priorities.

So, I'm sitting in the mall, watching my husband get a massage. And it made me think...this is the first time since we've been together that w have spent time or money on 'relaxation'. I've started meditating, and I get my biweekly pedicure and take regular bubble baths. We're planning to take a family vacation. Now this.

And because we're both overworked, I think these things might be important. More later. He's done!, I'm thinking that the ridiculous amount of stress that comes with the new job is a being in disguise. I'm learning the importance if self-care. I'm being forced to find stress management techniques that don't involve food. I'm realizing how important it is to focus on my family, which means that I have to keep work at work.

So, perhaps there is something to be learned from everything that, on the surface, send like a problem. Without binging, I never would have gained this much awareness about my emotions. Without gaining weight,i wouldn't have learned to appreciate myself and others for what is really important about us. Without this (generally awful) job, I wouldn't be learning how to cope with stress in healthy ways.