Friday, February 11, 2011

Nice epiphany tonight

I was driving home, and I started noticing my belly.

Now, normally, "noticing my belly" means "beating myself up for being fat and pathetic and blah blah blah". That's not what happened. Here's what my brain did, without prompting or pause:

"Jeez. When did I become such a weenie? I remember when I looked like I could kick someone's ass!"

It was still a thought of judgement. However, there is a BIG difference in how I felt when I called myself "weak" compared to the feeling of "fat". I don't feel powerless and hopeless. I feel like I want to get in shape...and not "get skinny", but get in shape. I want to look and feel powerful.

I think that's good. It feels good, at least.

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Good news, bad news.

Well, I'm back to running, and I started doing push-ups today. None of this is triggering, which is awesome. And it's getting easier to run, which rocks!

I'm losing sight of intuitive eating, and am instead reverting to permissive eating without any compensating via dieting. So, while it's good that I am not starving myself, I'm not listening to myself, either. It's been an awfully stressful couple of weeks at work.

Any ideas on how to talk myself out of permissive eating, without creating a feeling if deprivation?
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Monday, February 7, 2011


Just got my first pedicure in over two months.

Why have I neglected to take this simple step to make myself feel good for so long?