Sunday, November 28, 2010

Here we go...

I expect that I will be posting a LOT more in the next few days. Because I quit smoking. About 2 hours.

Is there anyone out there complaining that I post too much about things that aren't diet or food related? Well, screw you. EVERYTHING is diet or food related, I've found. And oh, yeah, I forgot that no one reads this!


You know the feeling you get when you get on a really big and intimidating in a I-know-everyone-told-me-this-is-the-best-ride-ever-but-holy-shit-I'm-going-to-die way type of roller coaster? That's how I feel right now. I'm having that same butterflies in the stomach, thinking that there's a pretty good chance that I will die as a result of this, wanting to do ANYTHING I can to get off of the ride feeling.

Except that I'm obviously not going to die from quitting smoking. And I'm also extremely prone to melodrama.

I do like the roller coaster metaphor for one reason: no matter what, no matter how freaking scary the ride is, it's over before you know it. And because I've quit smoking a zillion times before, I know that I've got about 3 very bad days ahead of me, followed by 4 more crappy days, and then 7 less-than-perfect days, and then I'll be okay. I can do 2 weeks of anything. It's literally a matter of putting one foot in front of the other, and continuing to plod forward.

Sort of like navigating the diet-free life. See- it is all related.

As a quick aside, I wanted to mention that I've started using the tools at as a way to design my post-smoking life. I wish there was a way to change time zone and currency, but other than that, I like the journaling and "homework", and it's great that the focus there is long-term. I believe it will help.

Well, hello!

Back from the Thanksgiving holiday. Here is what I have learned:

1. I am extremely thankful for my teeny-tiny immediate family. I think that the three of us (my husband, my son, and myself) are a wonderfully tight and functional family unit. It's interesting to parallel that to the extended family dynamic, and to the immediate families that exist within the larger family.

2. I am completely capable of avoiding overeating- or at least, avoiding eating past the point of "full". I don't recall stuffing myself at all over the course of the travel days.

3. I'm still not sure why I eat so much, or why I eat large amounts without feeling super full. Maybe I'm misreading satiety cues, or maybe I just need more energy in general. I do know that I still fit into the clothing I was wearing when I stopped weighing myself at the beginning of this blog. But, they're not looser- which means that I'm eating enough to satisfy this current size. That leads me to think that I'm still eating for my mind, at least at times. But I'm okay with that. It's progress.

4. "Overstarching" (too many white carbs with little else) is very, very bad for my digestive system. I spent Friday night and Saturday in extreme, terrible pain. I may need to start traveling with whole-grain snacks in order to keep this from happening. Then again, this probably won't be an issue in 99% of situations, so maybe I need to plan ahead better in the future based on what I know the menu will look like.

5. I quit smoking tomorrow. I have a pretty decent plan in place. The biggest thing I've had to respect is that I will probably eat more while I'm dealing with withdrawal crap, and I need to be okay with that. It will be temporary. And I'll end up being fine afterward.

Sunday, November 14, 2010

Struggling again.

I've been binging (or overeating) for the past two days.

I promised my therapist that I would try to find the causes of my binges (or overeating episodes, since these do not technically qualify as binges) at the time that they occur. Here is what I'm realizing:

1. I am extremely stressed and frustrated. Work is awful. Maybe even worse than awful.

2. I am in serious need of self-care and haven't been doing the pampering that I had been doing (baths, pedicures).

3. I am EXTREMELY nervous about quitting smoking. My quit date is coming up in 11 days. I'm afraid of having to fight through withdrawals. Because they suck.

So, there it is.