Thursday, August 5, 2010

I wish I had known...

I had a doctor's appointment, and was weighed. I tried really, REALLY hard to not pay attention, but the nurse told me the number. And really, it wasn't awful.

It was enough to trigger a two-day binge. Even though the scale wasn't that bad. Even though the weight actually made sense. Even though my clothing felt like it fit just fine. I ignored my body, and became obsessed with the scale again.

No more. I'm not doing this anymore. Even the fact that I need to be weighed for my fitness test can be avoided- I can have a monitor manipulate the scale and ask that the results be hidden from me. I can't keep destroying myself because of what a piece of metal tells me.

In frustration, I purchased "Intuitive Eating". So far, it seems to be a more clinical version of Geneen Roth's stuff. I like it. A lot. So, out of all of this, I've gained a new tool and learned an important lesson about the scale. Any weight can be lost again. And at least my binges almost exclusively consisted of things I WANTED to eat!

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