I started a 2-week exercise challenge a week ago. And I really do like the feeling that I'm doing SOMETHING active. I like feeling like I'm reaching a goal.
I DO NOT like the feeling that I'm starting to get about losing weight or mass. Like, I keep asking my husband if I look thinner. I look at my body in the mirror and scrutinize. All of this stuff was behind me weeks ago. Months ago, in some cases.
So, I look at what I'm doing, and I look for connections. In this case, there's a lot of evidence that exercise is messing with my brain. I don't think it's exercise as much as the TYPE of exercise, though.
I've been wanting to run. I think about it. I miss it. So, I think that needs to happen. And I need to be done with the T-Tapp thing, because I can't afford to start worrying about what I'm eating or what I look like. Not with everything else that I've accomplished.
I hope to begin running soon. There, I can see tangible goals that have NOTHING to do with my appearance. I want to be able to run 5k without stopping. I want to be able to run 1.5 miles in the time that the Air Force says I should. Those are fitness goals, not physical ones. And that's where I want my focus to be.