Monday, March 14, 2011


Have I mentioned that I have a ridiculous fear of bridges? More specifically, of driving over them?

I start to worry that my car will, somehow, fall over the side of the bridge. And then my body will be crushed or I will drown. Or the bridge will crack in half and my body will be crushed or I will drown. No matter how many times someone points out that this just isn't going to happen, I still worry.

The other day, I started to have one of my "Oh no, my body will be crushed!" fears, and then I started thinking about how fragile the human body is. If I walk into a chair (which happens frequently), I get a bruise. If I fell down the stairs, I'd probably break a bone. My son ran into a pole this fall and had to get stitches (to add to his head trauma collection that he started a few years ago). Bodies are easy to break.

I don't know if the mind is as easy to break. Normal, day-to-day things are probably unlikely to break someone's mind (read: make them crazy, trigger a disorder, etc).

And, just as I try to avoid walking into chairs because I don't want to be covered in bruises, I should probably continue to stay away from the scale and from diets, because I don't want to risk triggering my disorder.

However...and this was the "aha!" that came out of the whole bridge freak-out...I'm starting to think that I am TOO careful with myself sometimes. I avoid thinking about eating healthy food because I'm trying to eat only what I want. And sometimes, I really think that my mind turns into a spoiled child and wants ONLY the "fun foods". Not only do I need to dig a little deeper when I get hungry, but I think I can afford to take off the kid gloves when dealing with my emotions. I don't want to be an emotional child. I want to be a healthy adult. And I suspect that there is a way to make that happen.

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