Monday, June 28, 2010

Today is the kind of day that makes this blog necessary.

A little bit of backstory:

In May, I quit my job. It was my choice to leave, although I didn't want to leave. I was a band director, and I did a good job. My kids loved me, and I loved teaching them. But, the assistant director decided that he could do a better job than me, and he compelled a school board member to demote me. It sucks, but it is what it is.

And I couldn't bear the thought of being trapped in my job, watching him rip everything apart. So, I quit. It felt liberating. I felt powerful. I felt like I could conquer the world.

For about a week.

And then I had to start job hunting. There aren't a lot of jobs this year, and it seems like a lot of people do not want to hire an experienced teacher with a master's degree (we cost more). Still, I have remained mostly optimistic. And then today happened.

A month ago, I applied for a position in the same district where a very good friend works. I know the community, I know the district, and I know I would be a good fit for their needs. He is one of my references. I knew it would take a while for them to begin interviewing, but I was patient. And today, I called to follow up and was told that they have already selected interviewees.

I didn't even get a call. I should have been ideally suited for this job, and they didn't call. My friend (the one who is a reference) also takes this personally- it seems like his reference means very little. I started talking about quitting teaching altogether and going back to school for...something. I don't know what.

In short, I became really Eeyore-ish. Woe is me. Great big huge pity party. And I started feeling really irritated with myself for that. And then I wanted to eat.

But really, is it wrong for me to be bummed out because of this? I feel sad about leaving my job. I feel sad about not being hired elsewhere. And I feel sad about not getting called for this job. I am choosing to respect my feelings. And I think I will lay in bed and be mopey for a while.

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