Saturday, May 21, 2011

Maybe I need another scale-free challenge.

Weighing myself hasn't been detrimental. Until today. I gained .2 lbs this week, and I'm struggling with a lot of self-image issues today. I was actually convinced that I was going to lose weight, because I can tell that I AM smaller than I was last week.

I just saw a video of myself from last July. I can SEE that I am smaller now than I was then. I know I am getting smaller.

So why do I still feel like crap? Why does the stupid scale make such a difference?

I am tempted to go back to avoiding the scale, but I don't think that's what I need. Because, as I noted the other day with "mirror girl" from the article, I don't want the equipment to have that sort of power over me. I want to look at the number as one indicator of my overall health, not as a judgment.

I wouldn't feel like crap if I noticed that I wasn't drinking enough water on a given day. I wouldn't beat myself up (too much) if I didn't do as many push-ups as I thought I should. Why does this matter so much?

Hmm. I just noticed that I would, in fact, beat myself up if I didn't do "enough" push-ups. Or if I ate "too much". Or if I didn't finish the 5k tomorrow.

Why doesn't "I tried my hardest" seem to be a part of my vocabulary?

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